Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
