i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
