I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
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