If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
