did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize
