i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Randomize
