Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
