i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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