Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
