my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
