i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I stole a fireplace last night.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
