Sorry, I don't speak sober.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
