I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
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