watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
