we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize
