I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
