Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
