dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
