I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
