This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Let's paint friendship bongs
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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