what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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