just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I deserve to be covered in dicks
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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