You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Dear god my vagina.
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