After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
