What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
