He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
