You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
