so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
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