I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
