Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
