this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Randomize
