i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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