Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
