I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
