mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Randomize
