Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
