YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Randomize
