dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
