I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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