I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
