Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Randomize
