i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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