I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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