I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
