Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
