After last night, I could never be a politician.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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