Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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