dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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