Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
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