i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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